I used to hide in my room and read till my eyes felt like they might actually revolt and leave my head for glory.
Now. I can’t read 2 paragraphs without needing to pause for a ‘quick scroll’. What I very unaffectionately like to call the fomo social dopamine hit. I can’t even watch 10 minutes of a movie without tweaking for a hot 30-second hit on the tok.
All while screaming in my head…”I DON’T WANT TO BE A JUNKIE!” “HOW DID I BECOME THIS BAD?”
I’m currently sitting at my computer with 7 open tabs (I’ve jumped on all of them within the span of typing JUST these last 112 words), and my trusty ‘pipe’…I mean, iPhone is strategically poised next to my right hand for a quick hit.
Is it ADHD?
I mean, it could be. But it’s likely a good old-fashioned addiction.
The validation kind.
The someone, please see me, please tell me I’m likeable, tell me I’m funny, that my experience matters, kind of addiction.
Because obviously no one in our physical proximity is doing it.
Reminds me of a verse I remember from my christianity days:
Mark 6:5 “He could do no mighty work there…:”
It’s referencing how Jesus couldn’t bust out the good stuff in his hometown because all they wanted to do was roll their eyes and say…wait…isn’t this that carpenter’s son? Who does he even think he is?
We receive the least, and worst forms of validation from those who ‘know’ us or say they ‘love’ us the most.
It’s a weird phenomenon.
And yet, it seems like it’s been around long enough for even Jesus to suffer its reach.
We seek comfort, care, love, hope…like they are drugs. Desperate for a small hit just so we can grasp for more later.
Because one hit. Well. We know it’s never enough.
Then we wake up one day and find ourselves here.
Unable to focus for 4 seconds and starved for connection. Deep connection. The kind that makes you forget that phones exist.
The kind that bankrupts social media platforms.
But gone are the days of pre-digital footprints.
So, unless someone decides to unleash an EMP…I’m off to score some more distracted validation!
Just by pressing ‘send'.